just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
