Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i think i have two assholes
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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