i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
is that a dick in a sweater?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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