There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My pussy is not your playground.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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