I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
