If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
