God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
