I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
