I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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