I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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