so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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