I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Drunk is not a location!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
