2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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