He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize