R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
