Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
