is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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