i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
