You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
