Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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