Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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