dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
