1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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