his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
