omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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