Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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