she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm passing your future prison.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
