I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
