I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
