Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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