In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
