Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
