I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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