I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
