There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
