is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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