im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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