a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
