I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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