its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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