he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
