Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
