please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
