I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize