Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
