you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
