What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
