I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
