Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
