i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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