I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
