Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize