Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
