East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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