I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
