I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
