what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You can't motorboat a personality
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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