first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
