I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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