Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
