hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
