We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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