So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
