U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
