I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
this will be a night to untag.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
