So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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