party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
