I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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