Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
