we have pet lesbian snakes
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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