why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
