my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
