Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
