he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I understand Curling. That high.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
