we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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