Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
