I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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