Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
