I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
