Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
