Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
