dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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