Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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