I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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