I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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