We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
