That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
