I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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