Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
