my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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