So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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