Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
