Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize