The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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