Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
