I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
