his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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