U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
