There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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