all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
