Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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